The Best of the Worst—Plus One: Worst Love Poems 2020

Which of our talented writers beat the competition and took from home our Valentine's Day-themed gift basket? Prepare yourself for the best of the worst love poems!

Our writers tackled the daunting task of composing the grossest and most cringe-worthy poems for Valentine’s Day 2020. Competition was fierce! Who beat the rest of the competition and made our judges laugh or cry with pity the most?

1st Place: “Since You Asked” by Richard Mayne

Our defending champ from last year’s Worst Love Poem contest retained his title by making us cringe with the following original poem:

Your love is like Sunday morning,
With a massive hangover.
I thought I kissed a frog. I didn’t
Realize jackasses came that small.
Roses are red. You're color blind
If you think violets are blue,
Getting played like a violin,
And you don’t have a clue.

There are no words to describe
Our love, except catastrophic.
Here’s what I’d love to do,
Strap you to a rocket,
Fly you to the moon,
And enjoy the fireworks.
Look at that rocket man,
Or, what’s left of that rocket man, 
As he burns all the way 
Back to Earth.

My eyes water,
From the stink of your socks.
I’ve smelled finer scents,
At five cent fishing docks.
I was set on leaving you,
But, what do you know?
It’s tax time again,
My dear, I love you.
For winning, Richard took home our Valentine’s Day-themed gift basket!

Runner Up: “The Girl with the Cherry Red Lips” by Sarah Synk

I love her,
I love him,
But I cannot decide who will win.
Her voice is pretty, her lips are cherry red, and inside I’m dead.
He’s a football player, sexy like Tom Brady, a quarterback,
He’s captain of the team, he ain’t mean.
I love her, 
I love him,
No matter what skin they feel comfortable in.
I love her, who’s never so clueless—smart—and talented,
I love him, but he’s the dumb one. Not everyone is too fond of him.
I love her,
I love him.
But I choose that girl,
With the cherry red lips,
Who has curvy hips.
She comes over to me, 
And talks,
And I’m frozen inside. 
She talks about her favorite song,
The singer’s been her favorite for so long.
I love her,
I love him,
But he walks over to me,
His eyes are as blue as the sea.
He’s the one who asks me out,
But I feel all guilty and an amount of doubt.
I love them.
Who shall win?
The girl with the cherry red lips.
And, for Valentines Day, 
He sends me a bouquet of red beautiful roses,
Engraved with my name on it,
But I return it back.
I told him that I turned out not being interested,
That I’m in love with somebody else.
The girl with the cherry lips.
Hands me a box of heart shaped chocolates.
My favorite kinds,
She has a beautiful state of mind.
Her red lips are cherry divine.
Of course,
I eat the whole chocolates in one day,
Feeling sick,
She laughs at how fast I eat 'em
And she said it’s cute,
But I don’t think so.
For her Valentine’s Day gift,
I held her hands,
Soft like sand.
She changed her lipstick to a nice orange shade,
Saying she looks pretty like,
I look lame.
We head to the movies,
An angelic partner next to me,
Holding hands, secretly.
After the movie,
She hands me a lovely note,
Hidden in an envelope,
"Thank you for being my pretty partner."
I smile,
We giggle,
Heading into the night,
She is my protector, doesn’t give me a fright.

Plus One: One Genuine Valentine’s Day Poem, “My Forever Cupid” by Tyanna McCaulsky

Candles lit, Red wine
I’m so glad
That you are my valentine
A heart filled Imagery
I just can’t Believe
That you are all mine

Down on one knee
Finally, I found the one
Who shares my destiny
Lying in bed with you
My hot cup of tea
My love fantasy
Silky soft red sheets

You are my love receipt
Your ebony figure pronouncing an exotic heat
The affectionate atmosphere
Of this luxurious suite
My darling
You and I together forever
The love is complete.

So there you have it, our winners of the worst poem contest, Richard and Sarah! Plus, for a treat, we got a lovely genuine love poem from Tyanna McCaulsky—what a breath of fresh air after those stinky socks, huh? Very romantic, indeed.

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