“Relapse” by Nicole Despotopulos

Art by Patrick Driscoll

Are you really doing this again?
You told yourself the other day that it was the last time.
“One more time, just have to get it out of my system.”
You chug it back, and with each sip you regret it.
“You know this is bad for you, Nicole. You know this doesn’t help.”
The feeling it gives me has been my crutch.
The feeling was there when nobody else was.
The feeling was there when I wanted to stop…feeling.

“STOP YELLING AT ME,” I cry.
I am trying.
“I am trying,” I tell my mother.
“I don’t believe anything you say,” she tells me.

I drink only because I can.
I drink only because I am selfish.

Some people will never understand the pain we endure in our lives.
And that, itself, is painful.

1 Comment

  1. Nicole,
    Just read your poems about pain. Yes, we all suffer with pain. I am writing a memoir about my pain. Studying Buddhism has helped me a great deal. Hope the trip to India has helped you too…Carol Chester

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