“Relapse” by Nicole Despotopulos

Art by Patrick Driscoll

Are you really doing this again?
You told yourself the other day that it was the last time.
“One more time, just have to get it out of my system.”
You chug it back, and with each sip you regret it.
“You know this is bad for you, Nicole. You know this doesn’t help.”
The feeling it gives me has been my crutch.
The feeling was there when nobody else was.
The feeling was there when I wanted to stop…feeling.

I am trying.
“I am trying,” I tell my mother.
“I don’t believe anything you say,” she tells me.

I drink only because I can.
I drink only because I am selfish.

Some people will never understand the pain we endure in our lives.
And that, itself, is painful.

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