by Alex MacDougall
Feb. 14 – Valentine’s Day. To some people, it’s a time to celebrate love, romance, and expensive dinners at a restaurant with a two-hour waiting list. But to a vast majority of citizens, the day means something else entirely: it’s that annual reminder that you once again have failed to find the true love and happiness that is supposedly out there for you, somewhere in that deep sea of people.
At least, that’s what you’re told to think if you’re single on Valentine’s Day – that being in love is the best and being single is painful. In reality, however, it’s the opposite that seems more close to the truth. Love requires commitment, hard work, and vulnerability, while being single requires… well, none of those things. Yet we are still told to be constantly on the lookout for love and to follow any sort of trite and mundane advice in order find ourselves a mate. At no time is this more obvious than Valentine’s Day, where couples from all walks of life celebrate the supposed triumphs of love. But have no fear, fellow singles. There are actually many ways for you to exploit this wretched holiday, the day of couples and doing things together and public displays of affection, for your own selfish gain. Without further ado, I present three simple suggestions for how to spend this day of love with the person you love the most – yourself.
Step 1: Get up and get dressed whenever.
Not having a boyfriend or girlfriend also means not having any sort of commitment to looking good or getting up early to arrange those special plans couples make on Valentine’s Day, which means one should take full advantage of the occasion. Sleep in as much as you can, happy in the knowledge that you aren’t one of the men desperately searching the mall for that one perfect gift, or one of the women who is spending hours in front of a mirror trying to look perfect for her man. Be lazy, don’t get dressed, act like a total slob – basically, do everything you wouldn’t be able to do if you had an S.O.
Step 2: Exploit discount specials.
Let’s face it – Valentine’s Day, like all other holidays in the United States, has become completely commercialized. The powers that be don’t care if you’re taken or not, so long as you’re spending the money. But luckily, this can actually work to your advantage. Many restaurants, in order to keep up with the competition, will offer fixed-priced food specials that usually serve two people. Team up with one your fellow single friends, hit the restaurant, and enjoy the discounts! Even better – see if you can order a two-person special to go, and enjoy it all to yourself at home! You might be alone, but your stomach doesn’t know that!
Step 3: End the day with Netflix and Chill (literally).
Okay, so this might be the one part where couples really do have it better. But have you seen the new additions on Netflix for February? Better Call Saul! Full Metal Jacket! Talladega Nights! And, hey – only two more weeks until the premier of the Full House sequel! Who needs love when you’ve got that?!