By: Giana Scavotto
We all have that one ex that we keep running back to even when we don’t understand why. You think you’re meant to be – here’s why you’re wrong.
You Keep Having the Same Fight Over and Over Again
It’s freakin’ exhausting. No one likes repeating themselves, especially if it’s every week, with the same argument and the same points. This can really take a toll on you. In a healthy relationship, it’s normal to have disagreements; both parties share their side, why they’re upset, and together you communicate to resolve this problem. This may come as a shock to a lot of people, but you might actually have to compromise … Things can’t always go your way – shocker, I know. Here’s the bottom line: if you keep having the same argument over and over, nothing is getting resolved. So along the way, someone is not listening or caring enough to fix what’s making their partner upset. Communication is a key aspect of every relationship. Without communication and trust, you have no relationship.
There Is No Trust
Your partner falls asleep or leaves the room and you’re lying in bed when their phone lights up. Without thinking, you grab it and go through everything, even Facebook messages from as far back as 2009…
Oh Cindy, who’s this chick? You never told me about her. You guys went to the beach?! You let her wear your hoodie when she was cold?! How come I never knew about her?
Here’s the thing – if you don’t trust your partner, then you can never make it work. Clearly Cindy from 2009 means nothing to your man nowadays or you wouldn’t be the one with him. This works both ways, boys – don’t go through your girl’s phone and question her about a group project she’s been assigned with a partner named Joe. Joe is in her class, not her bed, so relax.
The same goes if your significant other is going out with friends. You should not be blowing up their phone. They’re spending some quality time with their friends – the people they need to vent to when things don’t go as planned with you! Check in with each other throughout the night, but let them enjoy the time – don’t accuse them of being shady when they don’t immediately answer their phone. You don’t like it when they’re on their phone 24/7 while they’re spending time with you, and their friends don’t like it either. Trust is essential for any successful relationship, and if you need to snoop around or act possessive towards your partner, then you shouldn’t be with them.
What’s Done is Done
If you had an argument about what color you wanted to paint the bathroom walls, what to name the snail you adopted, or whose house you’re going to spend Thanksgiving at this year, and then the argument was resolved, leave it in the past.
This goes for your partner’s exes, too. They’re in the past, where they belong, and if you keep bringing them up, you’ll be joining the list of ex-lovers as well – and I doubt even T-Swift would want to write a song about you.
Bottom line here – what happened in the past should stay there. Unless it’s causing any serious problems to your current relationship, then bringing up issues that have already been resolved will only cause resentment and hurt – leading back to having the same fight over and over again.
See where I’m going with this?
The Butterflies Just Aren’t There Anymore
If there isn’t that burning fire, that whirl in your tummy and that nervous feeling before you see your partner then your flame has burnt out. Once that flame is gone, it doesn’t return and that’s the hardest truth to accept.
Couples who have been married 50+ years and who are still in love, always have butterflies when they see each other.
It’s possible to fall out of love with someone and then just love them as a person, you know. You’ll always want to listen if they have a problem and be there for them when they need a hand with something – that kind of love. But when the phone rings and even though they’ve called you a million times, seeing their name still makes your heart flutter, or after not seeing them for a couple days, that reunited hug and kiss makes your face turn red and your knees feel weak – that’s the flame you need.
They’re The Only Relationship You Know
It’s time to move on and see what else is out there. Did you know that there are about 7.3 billion people living on this planet? There’s no way you can tell me that your first relationship, your only relationship, flaws and all, is the one for you. You’ve barely lived, traveled, or seen the world – how can this one person, this one relationship, be the only one for you?
And you know what, maybe it is but you need to get out there and explore. They always say, what’s meant to be will be. You’ll never know what’s meant to be, especially if you stay in one relationship your entire life, especially if it’s with someone who doesn’t make you happy anymore.
Until you put yourself out there and try new things, you won’t discover yourself.
Everything Has Become Routine
Everything from your morning conversation to your date night restaurant to your sex life is routine. Honestly, that’s boring. It’s good that you’re comfortable, but relationships are about getting out of your comfort zone. People go back to their exes because that’s what they know – it’s safe, and it’s boring.
Routine is good for business and structure, not good for your relationship. A healthy couple in a relationship builds each other up to try new things. Explore together, explore each other. Discover new places and open your eyes to new concepts and ideas. Doing the same thing day in and day out is tiresome and after a while, you become tired of each other. Sticking to what you know and staying together only because you’re comfortable isn’t healthy.
You’re Just Not Happy Anymore
If it didn’t work out the first three times, what makes you think it’s going to work out now? You two had an amazing journey together, you probably grew up a lot, learned new things about each other and new things about yourself. What’s meant to be, will be, eventually.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship, then it’s time to let them go. When the bad times start to outweigh the good, your relationship has become toxic and the longer you stay involved, the longer you’ll be feeling hurt.
Someone once told me that there are certain people you’re meant to meet and fall in love with, but sometimes you’re just not meant to end up with those people.
If someone brings more sadness and frustration to your life than happiness and butterflies, then let them go. No one said it would be easy and no one said it wouldn’t hurt, but sometimes, you need to cut ties with your ex in order to open your eyes and find someone who makes you happy. Find something new and exciting. You may have to kiss a couple frogs to find your prince and you may have to step out of your comfort zone to ask a new girl out, but in the end, it will all be worth it.